Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Repent.

I felt I am mashed ‘n minced for a dish
I felt like trash that’s thrown in
the street

My soul felt like beaten,
My mind as if eaten,
Am I a coward for taking
the swords ?
Am I a sinner for piercing with words ?

I have the truths, I spread it in words
If I been rash or the words
were so mean
I will just say that I am sorry my God !
I will just pray
you just pardon me Lord !
find me place where I can repent and cry.

24 comments:

Jay said...

Fitting.

jac said...

miss jay
I thought it apt.

gem said...

let me share your sad moments
Sour and painful
let it be mine too.

Dotm said...

tried to post earlier and the server was having trouble. It said they would have it fixed soon. Hope they did fix it so this post won`t head to outer space like the last one did.
There is always pain when two friends have a misunderstanding and sometimes the harder we try to mend things the more it gets out of hand. At one time or another I think we have all said something that hurt someone else even when we didn`t wish to hurt them and we have been hurt by others the same way.
That is a worry I have when posting in someones blog. Afraid I might say something and the meaning be misunderstood. If only we had the power to see what others were thinking while they were posting. Then we could have the power to better read the way they meant it to be read. Many things can be read to have more than one meaning. If we only knew , we could read it the way they wanted us to do.
God forgives , it is us who are too hard on ourself.

jac said...

Gem
it is to share
if you would care
:)

gem said...

I do

boo said...

so sad

jac said...

Dot
Thank you so much for the good and worthy advice.
My intentions were never to harm or hurt her. I never hurt any intentionally. I was so hurt myself with the harshness in her writing...ridiculing me to look like a beast in front of her readers for just sending the PPP which she accepted with thanks.
I assume that you have taken a look at the PPP. She has known me for long time to know that I am not a person who pours oil on fire. Though she removes comments that doesn’t agree with her views and asks people to go away from her blog if they don’t appreciate what she writes, I have allowed her and some of her readers to write their mind.

Anyway that is over and remains a black chapter as the hurt remains so deep… that too from somebody I respect and never hesitated to tell her so.

This poem is reflections of my soul.

Thanks for advises. I will keep it in my mind.

jac said...

gem
:)

jac said...

boo
It is over and done with.

Thanks.

Dotm said...

Jac, no, I didn`t go to see the PPP. I was just sensing the hurt caused by the misunderstanding between old blog friends. I guess you might call me a sensitive person who feels the hurts of others. The biggest lesson I had to learn over the years is that no matter how much you might try, you still can`t change what has happened in the past. You might improve the misunderstanding, but not erase it. I once had hoped to change the actions of a step daughter. A Dr once told me, you can improve, but you can`t totally change anyone as their pattern of life is set by the time they are 2 to 3 years old. I had a Lawyer repeat the Dr`s saying. At the time I needed help with a step daughter who at 4 yrs old was very hard to handle. If she didn`t get her way, she would end up destroying something- like the day she wanted her bedroom painted pink which I did to please her, then later the same day, when I caught her tossing stones at some little kids that passed our house on their way home from school, I made her come inside and she went to her bedroom and slammed the door. I decided to give her time to cool down before talking to her about what she had done. Bad mistake as when I opened the door I saw she had opened the ceiling paint can and wiped white paint all over the newly pink painted walls-- all this in just about 10 minutes. One time her father put her to bed - it was her normal bedtime. She climb up onto the dresser to get a coat hanger off the back of the door got back to her bed and poked the coat hanger up her nose and when I went to see what she was yelling over, her bed and nightclothes were spotted with blood. Her words to me were " Now you can`t make me go to bed". Didn`t take me long to clean up her bed and her and put her back to bed. I knew if she won this one, she might do something more serious the next time. She is the one who phoned me about a week ago , saying we need to talk-- after not hearing from her in 19 years and her not showing up for her own fathers funeral ( I had called to let her know she was welcome to come to the house on the day he died- but she chose not to). So, Love never realy changed her. I used to think that love could cure almost anything, but she proved me wrong. Funny thing was when I called her to try to understand her dumping her Father after we foolishly agreed to find her birth mother for her, I told her "I thought I was a good mother to you". Her reply was " You were a good mother, in fact you were a D.. good mother". That was the last time we heard from her.
Sorry this got so long and sort of off the origional subject, but just wanted to point out that sometimes there is nothing more we can do to change things. Maybe time will help.

sands of time said...

I think harsh things have been said on both sides.Maybe if you could both say sorry,im sure your both hurting.

jac said...

Dot
I thank you for that caring touch.

I wish that time will cure the wound.

jac said...

Pink Lady
No more harsh words from me. I closed and locked it.

Thanks for being here.

bye said...

Hope things will get better soon for you jac..life is full of ups and downs..and so as endless trials to face along the way..i know you can get pass this..take care! ;;)

Ms. Vickie said...

Jac.- Thank you for allowing me to visit your blog and attempt to gain a better understanding of things that has taken place between you and Monica. As I said the first time I came, Monica is my friend but that does not make you my enemy. I shared my thoughts earlier and still feel it must have been a misunderstanding that just continued to get blown out of proportion and now it can not be repaired. Two people have been hurt deeply and that is so sad. Just because Monica is my friend does not make you my enemy. I feel your pain here. It is my hope time will allow you to heal and I so hope I did not contribute to additional pain for that was not my intent. My intent was to understand and if possible help two who people were hurting. Thank you for allowing me to voice my thoughts and I wish you healing of the heart.

jac said...

'ches
Thankful to your young mind for that...at times more mature than mine.

Thanks for the understanding.

Take care where ever you are.

jac said...

ms vickie
It is my pleasure to welcome you here as my friend. In fact your matured words as comment on my previous 'unfortunate" post has already made you my friend.
Thank you for coming here again in my blog and the understanding on the incident. As you said the hurt feels to be more, when the barrage is between two mutually respected friends. You can see that unlike my regular posting schedule of every 3 days, I have posted the new one on the very next day. I would like to see bygones be bygones and allow my mind to see it in another perspective.
I feel being out of a Laundromat and I very deeply appreciate the courtesy and diplomacy you have shown to come down here again.
I would certainly wish to see what you write with out commenting, as I am afraid to comment on blogs which I am not known to.
I would also like to see you often come here and comment, be it brickbats or flowers.
Thanks again.

Lorna said...

God bless!

jac said...

Lorna

Thanks and Amen !

sAP said...

A thought that crossed my mind as I was reading ur blog today... http://www.praize.com/music/lyrics/4Him/4him3.html#5

sAP

jac said...

sap
I checked it out. Thanks.

സപ്ന അനു ബി. ജോര്‍ജ്ജ് said...

My soul felt like beaten,
My mind as if eaten,
Am I a coward for taking
the swords ?
........................sounds like as if i have been through this ordial myself'''''beautiful Jac.

Jac said...

sapna
Thanks.